I loved you enough, so much it hurt
by fallowfadesaway
Summary: What happens when you love someone enough, so much it hurts? Blair/Vanessa centric. Please read and review.
1. Lonely Day

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the storyline of the fictional romance between Vanessa Abrams and Blair Waldorf. Nor do I own the song lyrics they belong to the respective artist "System of a Down" This fic is TV show based, contains spoilers from episode 1.13 "A thin line between Chuck and Nate"**

This is my first Blair/Vanessa fic. If anyone ships them or likes the pairing I think you'll enjoy this story. I got inspired to write this story after listening to the song "The price that we pay" by _A day to remember_

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Chapter One: Lonely day 

Vanessa sat on the swing quietly with a sullen expression on her face, the kind of sad face you get if someone kicked your puppy. Porr Nessa she's not only heartbroken but also alone, she's managed to push away the one person in the world that meant the world to her _Blair Cornelia Waldorf_.

She wasn't trying to be selfish nor was she trying to be self -righteous in the fact that she managed to say the three words int the english language that were so meaningful and special.

Suddenly nothing else seems to matter anymore. She couldn't help but hate herself for falling for a snobby rich girl like **Blair Waldorf.**

_Such a lonely day  
Shouldn't exist  
It's a day that ill never miss  
Such a lonely day  
And it's mine  
The most loneliest day of my life _

And if you go  
I wanna go with you  
And if you die  
I wanna die with you  
Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life  
The most loneliest day of my life  
The most loneliest day of my life 

**The end of chapter one. I would to know your thoughts - please leave feedback.**


	2. The way we were

Chapter Two: The way we were

"Don't you understand that's social suicide" Blair stated bluntly.

Serena crossed her arms against her chest and glared at her best friend. "Well if it's social suicide why did you choose Jenny of all people?"

"Well for one she was naive and for the most in desperate need of guidance" Blair nonchalantly twirled a strand of brown hair around her finger.

"She was not" Serena protested.

"The little skank thinks she's better then me, she ruined my reputation" Blair whined.

"That's a lie and you know it, it was your own fault for sleeping with not one but two guys in the same week. If I may remind you one of those guys really loved you so much and all you did was break his heart by also sleeping with his best friend. I know _we're _best friends and all but you lucky I'm still talking to you because what you said really hurt" Serena said slightly raising her voice.

"And speak of the devil" Blair said as Jenny walked over with Kati and Is eagerly following behind.

Serena hit Blair in the arm lightly. "Be nice"

Blair scowled. "**You're asking me** to be nice to_ her_. I'm sorry but that is something I _won't _do" Blair gathered her belongings and walked off in a huff she wasn't sure where she was going but she knew it was somewhere away from school.

Blair shuffled into Vanessa's coffee shop and sauntered over to an empty table in the back.

Blair's eyes were puffy, and her cheeks flushed. She wiped the tears from eyes and walked over to the counter. "Hi Vanessa" Blair sniffled trying to hold back her tears but she couldn't help it.

"No Blair please don't cry" _I didn't even know why she was crying I just wanted to be there for her because she's my friend and I never want to see her upset. _Vanessa walked over to Blair and hugged her tight.

"I... I can't everyone hates me. I've lost everything even my best friend" Blair said still crying.

"I know but it's going to be okay" Vanessa whispered. "You'll always have me" Vanessa curled her lips into a smile so warm and embracing Blair felt like she could stay wrapped in Vanessa's arms all day.

"Come on" Vanessa untied the apron from around her waist and took Blair by the hand.

"Where are we going, what about work?" Blair said picking up her handbag and books.

"Work can wait. Besides it's a slow day there's always tomorrow" Vanessa smiled as she led Blair out of the coffee shop. Vanessa closed up the shop and both Blair and Vanessa walked down the street.


	3. A good day

**Chapter 3**

**A good day**

Vanessa walked up the stairs and opened the door of her apartment. "Here we are" Vanessa said happily.

"This is your house" Blair said in shock. She walked further into the apartment and looked around at some of the paintings that were on the wall. "It's beautiful. Did you sketch this?" Blair asked walking over to a particular sketch near the stairwell.

"Yeah. I did. It was for an art project they chose my sketch to be in the fair and I won 2nd place" Vanessa explained, her voice fading into a whisper.

Blair took a seat on the couch and turned on the tv. Her favorite soap opera, _General Hospital _was on. "Oh my god. Maurice Bernard is _so_ hot!!!" Blair shrieked happily.

Vanessa poked her head out the kitchen. "You think every guy is hot" Vanessa came out of the kitchen with two bottles of Sprite and some Lays potato chips.

"I see what you're doing" Blair said with as much seriousness as she could muster.

"And that is?" Vanessa asked with a coy smile.

"You're trying to make me fat" Blair said, making her signature pouty face.

"Really" Vanessa said, eating a potato chip.

"Uh huh"

"Yeah, that's it I'm trying to make you fat" Vanessa said sarcastically before bursting out in laughter.

Blair couldn't help but join in. _Her and Vanessa understood the finer things in life, not like everyone else who's always obsessing over melodramatics. Blair occasionally let her mind back to how she became friends with such a truly fascinating artiste like Vanessa._


	4. Mother Mary, life's at it's lowest

Disclaimer: In this chapter the song is property of me (Fal)

Here's chapter four...

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**Chapter 4**

**Mother Mary, life's at it's lowest**

_Mother Mary, life's at it lowest... the love I knew faded away. Life has no meaning. Love means nothing, there has to be a sign to show me how I can keep living. Mother Mary, rainbows of red and yellow and every color in between. From black to white my world has to turned to shades of gray. It's raining in my head. I hope you can understand. Mother Mary, I'm not the same person as I was before._

Vanessa closed her eyes, taking a deep breath she exhaled. "Blair, why are you friends with me?"

A confused look fell over Blair's face. "Where did that come from?"

Vanessa bit her lower lip. "Please just answer me"

"I guess once I got to know you I knew we'd be good friends" Blair said stumbling on her words.

"Are you sure you're not lying?"

"No I'm not" Blair said in all seriousness. "Seriously V, where is all this coming from?"

Vanessa got up from the couch and folded her arms against her chest. "I don't know... okay"

"Well explain it to me. I'm sure I'll understand" Blair said softly.

"No I can't" Vanessa lightly shook her head, tears now welling up in here eyes.

Blair gaped for a moment, then closed her eyes trying to absorb what exactly is happening. "I thought we were friends. I thought we could tell each other anything. Whatever you're hiding can't be _so_ bad or disasterous that you can't tell me. But honestly it doesn't matter because if you don't want to tell me that's your business, we've been friends since first grade I'm _sure _I would understand.** I may be rich and also privileged** but I am smart and I do have feelings and I know at times I can be stuck up. But I have always been there just like how you've always been there for me. **Actions speak louder than words** and right now, your actions are tearing me apart. I know I'm sounding annoying and probably very whiny but it hurts me so to know that you don't trust me. **Friends for never.** That's what you are. A friend that will never be there that will never be true. All is can say is **screw** you"

Blair gathered her belongings and stormed out of Vanessa's house in tears. She just lost one of her dearest friends.

_Mother Mary, life's at it lowest... the love I knew faded away. _

_Life has no meaning. _

_Love means nothing, there has to be a sign to show me how I can keep living. _

_Mother Mary, rainbows of red and yellow and every color in between. _

_From black to white my world has to turned to shades of gray. _

_I__t's raining in my head._

_I hope you can understand. _

_Mother Mary, I'm not the same person as I was before._

**I would love to know your thoughts on this chapter - please leave feedback!!**


	5. I'm glad you came

Here's chapter five...

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**Chapter 5**

**I'm glad you came **

Vanessa laid on her bed trying to absorb the fact that she never realized. She was now what you say deeply conflicted, her feelings were unreadable and as for her mind the conclusion she came to intrigued her yet scared her just the same, _Could I have feelings for my bestie, Blair?_

Blair sniffled and walked up the stairs and knocked on the door of Nate's apartment. "Hi Nate" Blair smiled.

"Blair, long time no see" Nate said with a warm smile as he pulled her close and hugged her. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. How about you?" Blair asked, breaking the hug. "Can I come in?"

Nate pushed the door back and led her inside, closing the door behind them. "I'm great actually" The two of them wandered into Nate's kitchen and sat around the counter. "I'm glad you came"

**Nate are Blair have always been close friends and they've had each other's back, no matter.**

"Me too" Blair smiled at Nate for a moment, then her smile quickly fell when she remembered Vanessa. She knew Vanessa too well, that whole time they were arguing she could sense the fear and confusion in Vanessa's voice.

The thing that troubled her the most was that Vanessa seemed uncomfortable, but whatever was going on she wished Vanessa would open up to her. She cared for Nessa so much it scares her to think they've been friends for so long yet it seems like they're total strangers.

Nate quirked an eyebrow and waved a hand in front of Blair's face. "Earth to Blair" Nate said softly.

Blair shook her head blankly, drifting back to reality. "Sorry I was lost in thought" Blair blushed, then smiled.

"You're so cute when you smile" Nate said, now stroking Blair's brown hair.

The gesture was kind of awkward considering that they're such close friends but it a smile to come across Blair's face. Nate used the back of his hand lightly caressing Blair's cheek before pulling her into a kiss.

**The end of chapter five. **


	6. My love for you

Disclaimer: The song used in this chapter is property of me (Fal)

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**Chapter 6  
**

**My love for you  
**

Blair quickly pulled back. "I have to go" She got up and ran out Nate's apartment.

Vanessa ran her bath kicking the marble of the tub with the heel of feet underneath the warm water.

Blair stopped in front of Vanessa's house, contemplating if she should knock on her door or not. Not wanting to regret it later she again walked up the steps of Vanessa's house and knocked on the door. There was no answer, but she figured she must still be home. There was a small crack in the door and she pushed it open the rest of the way and closed the door behind her.

She looked around the abandoned house, still no sign of Vanessa she stood at the bottom of the steps for a moment and listened as she heard a faint sound coming from upstairs.

Vanessa continued to kick her feet against the marble and began singing a song she wrote entitled, **My love for you.**

_One who hurts_

_one who feels_

_can remain stronger, these feelings_

_won't control _

_I control me, this destiny_

_my world _

_collides into one beautiful_

_word life, the life I believe in_

_is the life I don't control _

Blair walked up the stairwell and headed towards the bathroom where she heard the sound coming from, gently putting her head to the door she listened realizing it was Vanessa singing.

_All around me,_

_I can only see you_

_I this feeling's true_

_Black and blue_

_The color of my,_

_emotions heartfelt but sorrowful_

_One who loves_

_is one who lies_

_is one who loses_

_the one they love_

Blair was deeply intrigued my this song. She didn't quite understand it but there was something there that touched that made her feel sorry, that made her feel like she couldn't fight anymore. Blair knocked on the door softly. "Does that by any chance have to with a best friend who's really sorry and feels totally guilty for yelling at you?"

Vanessa laughed to herself then smiled. "No, but it would help if you get in here"

Blair happily complied and ran over to Nessa and gave her a big hug. "That's why you're my bestie"

_My love for will never be the same_

_My love for you will never change_

_What I feel,_

_is all I know_

_The unexplainable truth,_

_chemistry too strong_

_Lost in your undertow_

_Lost in your undertow_

_Lost in your undertow _


	7. Lost in your undertow

Chapter 7

**Lost in your undertow**

Vanessa broke the hug and smiled. "I'm glad you stopped by... because there is something I have to tell you"

Blair wrapped her arms around Vanessa's neck, and rested her head on her shoulder. "What is it?"

"I... I think I might have feelings for you" Vanessa stuttered.

Blair looked down and bit her lip refusing to respond, Vanessa looked at B and frowned.

Vanessa opened her mouth, and breathed. "Blair"

Blair leaned over cupping Vanessa's face lightly, gently kissing her soft lips, that tasted of cherry and vanilla.

Blair broke the kiss and lightly bit her finger, a coy smile forming across her face as she looked into Vanessa's eyes gingerly. "I think... I have feelings for you too"

Vanessa grinned, a sneaky smile forming at the corner of her lips. She touched Blair's face lightly and kissed her passionately.

She slowly unzipped her jacket and threw it unto the bathroom floor. Blair looked at the floor then back at Vanessa and pulled her shirt over her head and threw it next to Vanessa's jacket.

Blair took the initiative and pulled off Vanessa's shirt exposing a silky black bra with white hearts on it.


	8. Don't look away

**Disclaimer: The song** _Might have been_ **is property of Kate Voegele.**

Chaper 8

**Don't look away**

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Blair kissed Vanessa's neck tenderly. 

Slowly tears began running down Vanessa's cheeks. She sniffled softly, trying to fight back her tears. As Blair continued to kiss her neck, slowly sliding her bra off her shoulder.

"Vanessa what's wrong?" Blair stopped, pulling back and looking into Vanessa;s beautiful brown eyes.

Vanessa frowned, as the tears kept rolling down her now flushed cheeks. "I'm... a virgin. Sex is big deal to me, I want my first time to be special" Vanessa said, her voice trailing off into a whisper.

Vanessa shyly turned away taking a deep breath. She stepped out of the tub and gathered her stuff off the floor walking into her room, closing the door behind her.

She placed the clothes in the hamper and shuffled towards her dresser draw. Pulling out her piglet graphic tee and matching pajama pants.

She unhooked her bra straps and pulled the graphic tee on over her head. She took off her shorts, drawing on the pajama pants.

Blair, clad in nothing but her bra and underwear held her dress in her hand as she lightly knocked on Vanessa's room door.

_I break away from every situation like this one most times, baby  
But since you been 'round here, I've given in, my dear,  
To your captivation daily  
Well I'm not the type  
Who gets voted most likely to be victimized  
By those old butterflies  
But you're the exception,  
Your love is infectious,  
The fever is climbing high _

I hope you don't mind if I fall asleep on your shoulder  
Now, turn out the lights and let the night begin  
I hope it's alright if you're still mine when we're older,  
Cause I won't spend another day wondering what might have been

No, no, no

I was so cynical,  
Just inconvincible,  
Nobody seemed worth trusting  
But sure enough, just when  
I'd near given up,  
You appeared there among the destruction yeah,  
Well now its official,  
I've lost my initial suspicions  
And skepticism yeah,  
You got me caving in,  
Feeling the craving,  
I see now what I'd been missing, yeah


	9. Can I hold you?

**Chapter 9 - Can I... hold you?**

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Vanessa plopped down on the edge of her bed, crossing one leg into the other. "Come in"

Blair pusjed the door open, to find Vanessa sitting on the bed staring out into her room sadly. "I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable"

"It's okay" Vanessa said turning to face Blair, a warm smile gracing her face. "Get over here"

Blair slowly walked towards Vanessa, who got off the bed and shuffled through her dresser draw throwing her a shirt.

Blair caught the shirt quickly, causing the dress to fall out of her hands and unto the floor. "You're letting me wear your shirt?" Blair asked, confused.

Vanessa again plopped down on her bed, crossing one leg into the other. "Yeah, it's the least I can do cause it seems like the rain did a number on your dress" Vanessa stated, pointing to the wet dress that laid on the floor.

Blair turned around, so her back was to Vanessa. Unhooking her own bra she slipped into Vanessa's t-shirt and turned back around to face Vanessa. "Thank you"

Blair slowly looked around the room, and nervously bit down on her lower lip. Can I... hold you?" Blair asked, nervously looking up at Vanessa who had her eyes fixated on her. Admiring how beautiful she was, and how completely adorable she looked when she was vulnerable.

"Of course" Vanessa said softly, gently shifting in position to make room for Blair.

Blair smiled happily as she jumped onto Vanessa's bed wrapping her arms around her neck.

She gently brushed a stray strand of hair out of Vanessa's face, tenderly kissing her on the cheek. "I really do care about you... with all my heart"


	10. As the night rolls on

**Disclaimer: The song** _Hold me tight_** is property of The Beatles.**

**Chapter 10 - As the night rolls on**

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They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Before Vanessa spoke, "I really care about you too"

Vanessa smiled shyly, hugging Blair tightly a tear running down her cheek.

Vanessa turned on the tv and popped in a dvd, there were going to _Across the Universe._

They sat there both cuddling in each other's arms, watching the movie happily. After a while they began singing along and bobbed their head to the music.

Vanessa got off the bed and went downstairs to heat some microwave popcorn. After the popcorn was ready, she walked into the kitchen and poured two glasses of soda. She shuffled up the stairs and sat on the edge of the bed. She placed the large bowl of popcorn in between them and handed Blair her glass of soda.

"How about that" Blair said to no one in particular.

"How about what?" Vanessa asked curiously.

"Oh nothing" Blair started to say, "just that I'm with the cutest girl in the world"

Vanessa blushed. "Well my girlfriend's _super_ sexy"

Blair smiled, and rolled her eyes before they both burst in laughter.

They continued to watch the movie. When the popcorn was finished Vanessa placed the empty bowl on the floor and began singing,

_It feels so right now.  
Hold me tight,  
tell me I'm the only one,  
and then I might,  
never be the lonely one.  
So hold me tight,  
tonight, tonight,  
it's you, you, you, you.  
Hold me tight,  
let me go on loving you  
tonight, tonight,  
making love to only you._

_So hold me tight,  
tonight, ton--_

Vanessa was cut off by Blair's lips brushing against her own. Vanessa liked to feel B's lips against her own, even though somewhere deep down she felt as though she was going against her self in a way. But she didn't care, she loved to feel Blair's body against her own. Cause this _felt_ **right**, it didn't_ feel_ wrong, being in Blair's arms was the only place she wanted to be.

As Blair intensified the kiss, she pushed Vanessa back against the bed. Taking in how she smelled of honey and vanilla, and how she smile lit up the room.

As B kissed further down Vanessa gently placed a hand on top of Blair's to let her know not to go any further. "B stop"

Blair stopped and caught herself on what she did, she frowned slightly and slowly got off Vanessa and sat back on the bed.

Vanessa propped herself up on both arms, and watched as Blair sat there silently watching the rest of the movie. V curled her lips into a sneaky smile and moved close to Blair tucking a lock of brown hair behind her ear whispering, "Being with you I see that love can be something more"

Blair smiled, as Vanessa kneeled in front of her their hands interlocking as Vanessa kissed her passionately. Breaking the kiss she spoke, "Let's take things slow"

Blair now underneath Vanessa responded, "Slow sounds good"

Vanessa leaned in, and continued to kiss Blair. Not too long after, the two fell asleep in each other's arms.

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The next morning both girls woke up, and got ready to go to school.

**To be continued... in chapter eleven.**


	11. Chemistry 101

**Chapter 11: Chemistry 101**

"See isn't this better than being stuck behind some dingy coffee counter" Blair started to say, interlocking her fingers around Vanessa's neck. "At least you'll get to see my beautiful face every morning" B said sarcastically, smiling at Vanessa, who looked down at her boots and giggled.

"You're full of yourself" Vanessa said, finally looking up at Blair who stood there silent for a moment.

Blair smiled a genuine smile and spoke, "That's why you love me"

Vanessa smiled half-heartedly, and kissed Blair lightly on the lips.

Blair tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, stroking Vanessa's arm gently as she held her hand. "Come on, I have an idea"

The two quietly ran out the abandoned quad and rounded the corner.

The two stopped running, Blair let go of Vanessa's hand and began walking away. "This is my home away from home"

"Oh really" Vanessa said curiously.

Blair nodded. "I used to come here all the time when I was little"

"Why did you stop?" Vanessa walked along side Blair.

"I don't know... I guess I didn't feel like I really needed a place of _escape_ anymore" Blair said softly.

_For a girl who has more money than I'll ever make in a lifetime, she's pretty extraordinary when get to see who she is on the inside. _Vanessa thought to herself.

"Well enough of that" Blair said, trying to change the subject. She stood in front Vanessa for a moment before placing a blanket on the grass.

Vanessa smoothed the back of her skirt, sitting down next to Blair. "Sometimes when you love something you have to let it go"

There was a calming silence between them until Blair smiled saying, "V do you believe love conquers all"

Vanessa stroked Blair's hand gently, "When I'm with you nothing else matters"


	12. Stars

**Disclaimer: **The song _I bruise easily_ is property of the respective artist **Natasha Bedingfield. **

**Chapter 12: Stars**

"Aw V, you're so sweet" Blair said smiling happily. "Look at the stars"

"Stars?" Vanessa repeated confused.

Blair pointed up at the sky. "See aren't they pretty"

"You're the prettiest star I see" Vanessa said, smiling grabbing onto to Blair's hand lightly holding it tight.

Blair smiled, as she leaned in kissing Vanessa with such passion she never knew she possessed.

Vanessa pulled away for a moment and giggled softly.

"What's so funny?" Blair asked, her eyes fixated on Vanessa. "Nevermind don't answer that"

Vanessa stop giggling a smile forming at the corner of her lips. "I don't know how one person can be so nosy be can _still _manage to be as **sexy **as hell"

Blair smirked, "Well thanks" she said sarcastically.

"You're welcome" Vanessa said, giving B one of her cheesy smiles the kind where she shows off her pearly whites.

Blair giggled, "V, you have to stop doing that. It scares me"

Vanessa chuckled softly, "I know, but that's what makes it _so _much fun"

Blair made a pouty face as she hit Vanessa in the arm.

"Ow B, stop it" Vanessa whined, a frown graced across her features. "you know I bruise easily"

A devilish grin formed at the corner of Blair's lips. "I'm _sure_ you do"

_I bruise easily so be gentle when you handle me_

_There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree_

_I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me_

_Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily_

"Aaahhh" Vanessa screamed, as she began running away from Blair. Little did Vanessa know, that Blair could run... I mean like seriously _run._

Blair grabbed Vanessa, wrapping her arms around her waist she tackled her to the ground.

"B" Vanessa screamed.

Blair lightly sat on top Vanessa her legs on either side of the taller brunette, "You like that don't you"

Vanessa covered her eyes with her hands for a moment and shook her head. "Ugh. You're so stupid"

Blair smirked, taking what she said as a compliment. "But I _know_ you like it"

"Oh really" Vanessa said, quirking an eyebrow at Blair.

"Mhm" Blair smiled, leaning down and kissing Vanessa's soft lips.

_Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you_

_Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you_


End file.
